This has been something I have struggled with for a long time. Growing up I thought I would just get over how I always felt but I learned that was not the case. It takes work to grow and become more comfortable in your skin. It’s important to remember there is no pressure to ‘get over it’. We all have our insecurities and pasts deeply rooted in us– it will take as much time as you need it to.
We are all self-conscious of something. We all have flaws and it’s a big part of what makes us all so different. So, when you see a confident person and you start to compare yourself to them, it’s not fair for the both of you. That confident person you see has different insecurities than you do and by putting them on a pedestal you are stripping them from their voice and the hard work they have done to get to where they are now. Doing this also puts yourself down as well. You tell yourself that you will never be able to reach their “high” standard. Instead of looking to others, we need to set our own standards and grow at the speed we want to become the person we want to be.
What I learned over the years is that our insecurities come largely from comparison. When we compare ourselves to others we are negatively impacting ourselves. The more we compare ourselves the deeper we go into our insecurities. There are many reasons why you may be so self-conscious like, maybe people constantly criticized you, someone humiliated you, it could have originated from a trauma in your childhood, or it could be that you haven’t been honest with yourself about something.
So, what I started to do was focus more on what I like about myself. I looked for the features I loved. Doing this started to help me look at myself with kinder eyes. Instead of constantly looking at the things I didn’t like, I worked on shifting my perspective. This takes a lot of practice, you have to be consistent to break the habit of recurring negative thoughts. After so many years of seeing ourselves a certain way, we need to be patient to feel any changes.
Secondly, affirmations! Start saying nice, positive things to yourself constantly. Every time a negative thought pops up, say a positive one to counteract it.
Also, look to more important things. Not everything revolves around our appearances and insecurities. Some things are just more important. What you are worried about is not necessarily what others are worried about.
This one is not for everyone but it sure helped me. If you are able to afford it and give the time then I highly recommend it! Adopt a pet! They truly are the best companions. They love you unconditionally and don’t judge you by your career, appearance, style or how much money you make–they love you for who you are, for the love and care you give them. This helps not only distract you from your insecurities but helps you focus on more important things.
It is all mental work. Our insecurities are from our own doing. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Next time you feel low and like you don’t measure up, remember your insecurities don’t make up who you are. You are capable of changing how you feel about yourself. You have the power here, it’s just a matter of harnessing that power and having it work for you.
I hope this has helped.
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Until next time,