No financial crisis, no health problems, no giant problems that cannot be solved and yet life feels unsettling. Why is that? I don’t want to gloat, because that is not the point, but my life feels pretty damn great. My family is healthy and safe. My pup pup is the cutest spoiled brat ever. There is plenty of food in our fridge. We have all of our necessities. My anxiety for the past few weeks hasn’t been invading my life. I feel like I have come to understand it and have gained more of a balance in my life.
I believe there are four reasons why we might feel unsettled in life:
- We become accustomed to problems. When we constantly go through so many battles we forget to put down the “sword.” We are constantly having to overcome obstacles and push through challenges that it can become a way of life. We form habits to help us fight instead of finding peace.
A way to overcome this it to stop and do some self-reflecting. Ask yourself what exactly are you fighting against? These challenges that are in front of you, are you just responding to them or are you learning and gaining something from the experience? When we just respond to situations we don’t learn what we need to learn. Some obstacles are easier to overcome than others. Others may require you to fight through by changing some habits, learning some new skills or even a life lesson. The more we struggle against life, and try to stick to our own ways, the more frustrated we will eventually become.
2. When we have had to overcome one hardship after another we begin to develop “tough skin.” We believe we need to be strong all the time. The problem is that our mental and emotional state can become negative. Anything good that happens to us is just dismissed or worse– we find faults in it. Nothing is ever good enough. This way of thinking really hinders our growth and happiness. For all you know you could be living a wonderful blessed life, but due to your past hardships you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The first and hardest battle you will need to win is the struggle within yourself. When you are a negative person, you often don’t realize it. It is just a way of life for you. All you have to do is listen to the people around you to find out how negative you are. The people closest to you have probably already been telling you about how you need to make an attitude change. If you truly want to change that part of you then get ready for some growing pains. I experienced this first hand and I still do, but it was nothing compared to when I first started to make some big changes. I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I honestly had a hard time liking who I was. It was as if a flood of all my negative traits came flushing out. The thing about change is that you need to know what needs changing or you won’t know where to start.
So, I had to be honest with myself and face the fact that I didn’t like the person I was. Even though it was painful, I knew giving up couldn’t be an option, for two reasons– who would I become? I had to think about myself and the life I wanted, if I just gave up then all of it was for nothing. Second, people believed in me. They gave me hope and stood by me, even when I felt like I didn’t deserve it. What really helped was just surrounding myself with positive information and listening to people who knew more than me. As you know I am a big advocate for reading and listening to videos or audios that are positive and helpful. I spent a lot of my time with my nose stuck in a book and my ears tuned in to only helpful information. It also really helped to have a short and long term goal. It can be a goal on any area of your life. This will keep your mind on something positive and unique just to you.
It takes the same amount of energy to produce positive and negative thoughts but the consequences are completely different. Your goal will act as a mental blinder. Everything you do should get you closer to your passion and fueling you with good energy. Without a goal you can become lost with no definite direction. Nothing gets accomplished this way. Eventually frustration, disappointment, anger, or all three, will start to invade. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of a goal.
3. We may begin to feel guilty. This feeling can be for different reasons. It could be you feel the need to give back for all the blessings you have. Giving back to those who are less fortunate is a great way to spread what has been given to you. Or maybe you have been so focused on your goals that you have neglected other important areas in your life. The one I relate to the most is that I am not where I want to be in my life. I begin to compare myself to my “future self.” I feel like I am letting myself down despite how blessed and grateful I am. I know I am capable of achieving more so I start comparing my ideal future self to my present self.
It is challenging to keep a balance where you stay humble yet hungry for more.
A way to overcome these feelings of guilt is by forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for what you have or haven’t done. Start to see your life as a journey. Every moment is building you up and directing you where you need to go. Start taking it one day at a time. Do what makes you happy and what will get you closer to your goals. At the end of the day, forgive yourself for any mistakes you made and what you didn’t accomplish. So often we are so hard on ourselves, but there is no need. Not everything will get done all at once, there is no reason why we should hold onto meaningless guilt when it just weighs us down.
4. Fear of the future can make us sabotage our journey. When we are afraid of failure, or of the responsibilities we will have to take on, we may try to slow down the process without even realizing it. Fear will always be part of the journey. Your fear is just trying to protect you but for most cases (unless you are in immediate danger) there is no real danger. It is about what you are willing to do despite the fear. We have got to get used to being uncomfortable. I’ve found it best to identify my fear. See it as a challenge. Create steps to overcome those fears and use them as tools to learn and grow. When you truly know what you want then your choices become clearer and your journey a bit easier. Your confidence will grow and any challenge that comes your way will be something you know you can handle.
It’s just like working out. You eat clean, workout, and drink water, you know you will eventually see results. When you do the work, you have earned the results. Maybe you don’t see results when you want but your mind and body are shaping you up to get you there. With every mile you run or extra weight you add or extra rep you do is all contributing to your goals. That is the same with anything.
Don’t give up on yourself, you might feel tired and wondering when you will see results but I am sure they are on their way. Find peace and calm in your journey and you will see you are closer than you think.
At the end of the day when you are thinking about the wonderful life you have been blessed with, remember that you have earned it. Your time, work and patience has given you a wonderful consequence. Don’t let any negative thoughts tell you, you don’t deserve it or you could have better. It’s true, we could all have more but relish in what you have now and keep working for what you want later.
Until next time,